Something in the Way
by jainasolo17
Summary: Tabris tries to be a proper leader while struggling with feelings not so-becoming to one. Haunted by her past, she is not exactly accustomed to love. Love triangle mostly Tabris/Zevran some Tabris/Alistair.
1. Taken

This idea has been in my head since finishing Dragon Age and I had to write it down. It's been a while since I've written anything, so I'd appreciate any feedback. I'm open to criticism, too. It's been a while since I've written anything, so I'd like any help. Please review if you have the time. I'm intending this to be about how exactly one falls in love with an assassin who tries to kill them. Also, there's not nearly enough Zevran love going around. Warning- my Tabris is a bit darker and well, wordly than I've seen her portrayed here before.

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"Life was never this complicated in the alienage" Akalla Tabris muttered aloud to herself while sitting with her back to the rest of the camp.

"Is that so?" A voice from behind her spoke up. She had thought that she was alone. "No darkspawn attacks? Or perhaps you mean no assassins sent to kill you who then survive and swear loyalty to you. Or maybe you mean simply that you've never had a man as handsome as me attempting to bed you." She sighed as Zevran came up to her, immediately close enough to touch her, and settled on the ground beside her.

"Yes, all of those things are currently serving to make my life much more complicated than it was before. But, you give yourself way too much credit. Surely you do not believe that I have never been propositioned before, or are you simply trying to flatter yourself by imagining me as a virgin whom you could corrupt as you wish?" He laughed cheerfully at this. It was obvious to him that she was mocking his style of speech and accent. She had moved to the edge of the camp so that she could think in peace, but she should have known that she wouldn't be afforded privacy for very long. With so many people in their party it was difficult to go more than an hour without someone wanting to speak to her.

"No, my sweet, there are several things wrong with that statement." He was so close to her at this point that she could feel the warmth of his breath as she turned her face to look at him. He was every bit as handsome as he presented himself as, and she found herself wanting to get lost staring into his lively amber eyes. "First of all, I know an experienced woman when I see one. You are no virgin. The sway of your hips, the way you trade banter with me, you know what you are doing with your body and your sexuality. Finally, it would be stupid of me to assume that no other man has ever appreciated you the way I do. You are… so gorgeous." These words sounded even more lurid coming from his lips. It wasn't just his inflection, but the way that his eyes drifted down her body; it made her shiver. Although she was fully clothed she suddenly felt as if she was exposed to him. "You know this and you are simply trying to trick me into saying it." He grinned. "Even if you were not as particularly gorgeous as you are, growing up in your circumstances and remaining a virgin would be nothing short of a miracle."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" She bristled. She had not talked to anyone in their group of her past at all. How could he have any idea?

"Please do not take offense, my dear. You and I both know how humans can be to our kind. They will place themselves in positions of power above us but yet… use us for other means. I, myself, was chosen to be a Crow mostly because I am an elf. Many humans would jump into bed with me based only on that, let alone the fact that I happen to be a particularly handsome elf. Surely living among humans in the city like you did…"

"I'd rather not talk about it." She cut him off more abruptly than she had meant to.

"Oh? I had gotten the impression that you were rather open about sex, especially compared to the other woman in our camp." As he said this, he shifted his eyes toward Leiliana's general direction.

"I guess I haven't told you about how I was conscripted to the Grey Wardens, have I?" She asked, deciding that Zevran was probably the person who would, oddly, be the most understanding.

"No, I have not had the pleasure of hearing that story from you, yet." He replied, as he shifted on the ground and edged even closer to her. She took a deep breath and considered how to start.

"Alienages are quite small; there really aren't that many available elves around. In fact, many of the people my age there were closely related to me already. Marriages are arranged by one's parents through letters sent to other city's alienages, usually. My father saved up his entire life to catch me a "good match" as he said." Zevran raised his eyebrows at this. "I didn't even know my betrothed's name before the day I was supposed to marry him. I wanted to run away but felt that I was bound by duty to my father. The wedding was supposed to be a double one with my cousin Soris. As fate would have it, though…" She trailed off, unsure of how she could possibly continue telling the story that had ended the life she had known. She decided to go with her usual blunt bluster, knowing that Zevran was the least likely to be offended by it. "An arl's son and a few of his friends showed up in the alienage bent on raping the most attractive females they could find."

Zevran's eyes narrowed at this and he placed his hand on her knee as a gesture of comfort, "You need not continue. I am sorry for bringing this up. I…" But she had already taken off and there was no backing down now.

"He had designs on my cousin, Shianni. Soris tried to hold me back from intervening, but being who I am, I couldn't let it happen. I brazenly pushed past him and demanding they unhand her. They laughed, of course, and decided to take me also. My father had taken my daggers from me that morning- worried that I might scare away my betrothed. At the time I cursed him, but come to think of it, now I probably would have died right there- or as a result."

He made a sound at this point that sounded like a growl and said in the most serious tone she had heard from him yet, "You may think me depraved and you may think whatever you want of me morally, but know this- I would never dream of raping a woman."

"But you would and have killed some." She interjected.

"Some people need killing. There are some things worse than murder." He responded gravely. She took a deep breath, deciding to continue the story.

"They had to knock me out to get me to their Tierney. I woke up nearly naked and locked into a room-"

"They hadn't-?"

"No, I was fortunate. However, one of my friends was not. They killed her in front of us to keep us from fighting back. The men took Shianni and two of the other girls, leaving me behind with the rest.

Just as I was starting to look for a way out, Soris showed up with my daggers. Duncan had sneaked him into the building and my father had supplied my weapons. We fought through guard after guard until we came to where my betrothed had been holding them off for me. Just as I was nearing him, one came up behind me and ran him through."

"I am sorry."

"I didn't even want to get married. I was ready to run away. He had just met me and he fought and died for me. He sacrificed himself for something that I didn't even want. I was sorry that he died… but not so sorry that the wedding didn't take place. I... killed the arl's son. After what he had done, I didn't see any other possible way out. Then Soris and I went to hide in the alienage. Of course, soon after we arrived in the alienage the authorities showed up for us. I told them it was all my doing and I would gladly accept punishment. Luckily, Duncan stepped in and used the right of conscription to save me from being executed. So, the life I knew ended there.. " She let the words hang in there, unsure of what to say next. She realized in that moment that Zevran had come to her for banter, had come to her for light-hearted fun and she had cruelly turned the tide of the conversation on him. "But…" She said after an awkward pause, "You asked me about humans in the alienage and how they could affect my… experience."

"We do not need to discuss anything that makes you uncomfortable, my dear. I came over here hoping to make you laugh."

"I promise this is more light-hearted." She forced a smile. "These… raping parties were frequent before I… came of age."

"I fail to see how this is light-hearted."

"You'll see." She smiled. "When I was fourteen, I decided that I had the solution. I had not yet been targeted myself, but I had watched the men come and I had watched them take my older friends. Many of them didn't even bother to put up any kind of fight. I had… had my sexual awakening at this point and had realized that I had a much larger sexual appetite than any other girl I knew. Much worse than this, there were hardly any boys my age in the alienage, and the ones who were near my age were also usually relatives of mine."

"I can see how that would be a problem."

"It was worse than that, though. There was… reputation to consider."

"Ah, here we go with the ridiculous stipulations you Fereldans put on sex again."

"Well, how could I catch a good bride price if everyone knew I wasn't a virgin? So, I watched the men who came with great interest. Not all of them were as gruff and terrible as the arl's son later was. Some of them were poor men who couldn't afford whores and who had been advised to come to us to find someone to alleviate their virginity. I watched for one of them for my own… design."

"You are a devious little creature, aren't you?" Zevran's tone was lurid and she couldn't help genuinely smiling.

"I found an innocent one and pulled him into a deserted corner, and we... fumbled at each other the best we could. I told him to send any friends who needed the same to me. Pretty soon, more men came asking for the "Red-headed elf". I asked them to be discreet, and for the most part, they were. As far as I know, none of the other elves ever discovered what was happening, and the frequency of the rapes decreased. I know that not every man who does such a thing is motivated by sexual desire. Most of them, however, simply wanted the opportunity of… using an elf. You know we're not… not considered people to many of them."

"So you were a whore without pay as a way of being some sort of shield for the rest of your community?" Another person in her situation may have been offended by the use of the word whore, but she wasn't easily offended and also realized that it was not an offensive word to Zevran.

"When you put it that way it seems so… selfless. I love sex. I was simply able to convince myself that I was doing it for a… higher purpose." Zevran laughed heartily at this and leaned closer to her, so that their faces were so close that they could have kissed.

"If this is the case then why have we not yet made love? Surely you know that my flirtation is no joke."

"There are… complications." She sighed, suddenly wishing that this wasn't the case. She had found herself drawn to Zevran as soon as she had spared him. It wasn't just because he was the only other elf that she had seen since leaving her family or that he was possibly the most handsome elven man she had ever seen. There was something intriguing about him and she could not deny that it had more than a little to do with the fact that he was hired to kill her.

He shook his head and made a tutting noise at her, "There needs to be nothing complicated about it. You are a woman with appetites, you said so yourself. How long has it been for you?"

"Maker, I have lost track. It's been… four months?"

"This Alistair of yours… he does not know what to do with you, does he?" He teased. She laughed easily.

"He is… not exactly mine, first of all. And yes, he doesn't have the slightest idea what to do with me, in more ways than one. You have stumbled upon one of the complications."

"Let me guess. He loves you and you are not sure if you love him. And, judging from the way he watches me all the time… he believes he owns you more than you say he does. Right now you want more… physical comfort than he can provide, no? I.. could provide this comfort, but you don't know if you can trust me, what with the having tried to kill you already." As he mentioned comfort, he reached up to caress her face and she couldn't help but close her eyes and relish in the touch. His hands are rough, but the touch is tender and sensual. She had never been touched in that manner. Every man whom she had been with was either awkward or rough. "Have you never been with another elf?"

"No, I haven't. And the rest of what you said…"

"It is all true; I know…One does not last long as an assassin if they cannot size up situations as quickly as I do. Know this. Anything that we would do together would be just between us. Believe it or not, I can be discreet." He slowly slid his thumb around her jaw line as he said this.

"And the assassination part…" She whispered, fully aware that she was completely vulnerable in this moment.

"What would it mean to you if I simply said I no longer wish to kill you, hmm? I have already said it. I have already given you my oath. Do you think that I am merely waiting until after I have sex with you to do it?"

"That is a common theme in your stories, Zevran."

"Yes, and if I told you that this is different, that you are different, would you not just believe that this is what I say to all of my marks?" She nodded, careful not to move her face away from his touch. "This is my point exactly. I cannot convince you with any words. I was hoping that at this point my actions would have helped. I sat back and gave Alistair what I assumed should be ample time to woo you, as it were. I kept to myself in camp until you came to me, eager either to hear stories of Antiva or just eager to close to me, it was all the same. So, I entertained you. I stayed up late many nights talking to you. And do not get me wrong, I enjoyed it. But what I am trying to say to you is that if I still wanted to kill you I have already had many opportunities when I could have done it. For instance, right now… your eyes are closed and you are listening to nothing but my voice. I could easily take advantage of that. This is not the first time you have let your guard down around me. Believe me when I say I want you alive. I very much like your company. You were so kind to spare me, I will not forget this. But, I am afraid we are back where we began, yes?" She nodded again and pressed her face against his hand again. "Nothing I say can convince you to trust me."

"You are right" She conceded.

"About what?" His voice was barely a whisper and his tone was guiding. She could feel him lean slightly closer to her.

"Everything. If you wanted to kill me I'd already be dead. If I was really worried about you still trying to kill me I wouldn't be sitting here letting you touch me."

"Then why are you sitting here letting me touch while talking about whether or not you trust me, hmm? I think it is because you are still unwilling to address what is really going on here."

"And what is that?" She asked, feeling intoxicated in the moment, drawn in by his voice and demeanor. She waited eagerly for his reply, but instead of answering aloud, she suddenly felt his lips on hers, softly parting them. And then his other hand was on her face too, and he was kissing her passionately. Just as she was beginning to lose herself in the kiss, feeling the heat of the moment, he pulled away.

"That." He said matter-of-factly. She was at a loss for words, at this point, and swallowed hard. She opened her eyes to look into his.

"I..." was all she managed to stammer.

"You do know that there is only one way we can end this, right? We will sleep together." She couldn't help but giggle at this. After a slight pause he said, "So… tell me how you feel about Alistair."

"That's one way to kill the mood between us." She laughed.

"I am serious. I would like to know exactly what it is I may be getting in between. All I know right now is that you seem to be more interested in my company than his, and whenever he catches me looking at you he gives me the most horrible glares. I keep expecting him to challenge me to a duel for you." He grinned at this thought, "But I suppose even in his misguided defending of your honor he realizes that he would be no match for me. Oh, poor Alistair."

"Why the sudden change of heart?"

"I just realized that he is severely outclassed. No wonder he hates me so."

"He is… sweet. He is well-meaning. Everything in Alistair's world is so black and white. Mages are dangerous; Templars and the Chantry are good, although sometimes misguided. Sex and love are inseparable." Zevran interjected a scoff. "But it's deeper than that. He is-

"Boring, yes?" She laughed at this ins spite of herself.

"And he wants me to be kind-"

"Which you usually are, my dear."

"And just-"

"Once again…"

"And brave-"

"Ahem"

"And chaste." She finished..

"Oh, now that could be a problem." He agreed.

"I don't feel very brave, Zev. I have to be something for him. He has this… image of me. There is nothing wrong with me, as far as he is concerned. But, there really… actually is. Am I making sense at all?"

"You make perfect sense, my dear. You want to be a person, yes? Sometimes you are scared, sometimes you do not feel so charitable, and sometimes you want to have sex. I imagine that the problem with your bravery is that you cannot show weakness while leading this ragtag group of adventurers. Desire is weakness to Alistair, is it not?"

"Possibly. Honestly, I was enjoying what I had with him. He has an endearing charm and he is so… good. He believes in the Grey Warden's cause. He would gladly die to stop the Blight. He has a noble heart, but I am no innocent girl who is easily swept off of her feet by that. Compared to him, I am lecherous. I don't want to be his perfect sweetheart. I am a person with flaws, and… I feel terrible."

"You feel terrible because you are not what he wants you to be. He is also not what you want either, is he? Are you afraid to tell him so?"

"Apparently so. I have never had anyone act towards me as Alistair does. I have never been in… a relationship? I am unsure what to call it. But I am more afraid of what will happen when he... finds out about us."

"Oh? There is an us now?" His eyes were gleaming at this point. She felt herself blushing as she turned her face away, breaking contact with his hands.

"I'm… sorry. I…"

"You are so beautiful when you are at a loss for words."

"And you are teasing me mercilessly again."

"Heh, guilty as charged."

"I… didn't mean to imply anything. I just meant… you said yourself that we are going to make love. For Alistair that is nearly marriage. You have to know that it will hurt him when he finds out."

"Forgive me if I do not feel much compassion for someone who wants me dead and all but offered to do it himself." She sighed.

"He was only angry because you flirted with me so outrageously."

"Who can blame me?"

"Apparently he can." She smiled. "And if you're going to be offended because he wants you dead… at least he hasn't tried."

"You wound me." He replied, with exaggerated hurt in his voice. His lips looked absolutely delicious to her when pressed into a pout. An intense desire had been building inside of her during the course of the conversation. Of course, if she was honest with herself she could have said that it had been building ever since she had been conscripted by the Grey Wardens. First, there was the handsome yet reluctant Alistair who was a perfect gentleman, although human – two things which she had never imagined would go together. She had found out he was a virgin and could not help but imagine what it would be like to teach him what two bodies could do together. The thought of corrupting him consumed her for a good while.

Gradually she realized that he was falling in love with her. This both fascinated and scared her. She had never been in love before. Sex was one thing, but love was completely foreign. Sometimes she felt warmth in places other than between her legs and he had the power to make her tremble when he would say sweet things to her. When she asked him to sleep with her she felt that she had waited as long as she possibly could. She had not gone this long without having sex since… well before she had done it the first time. He turned her down, and she mistook it for coyness. He was angry with her and felt that she couldn't respect his wishes. She was merely hungry and confused by the idea that someone would not want to have sex with a person whom they were obviously attracted to.

Then Zevran arrived- handsome and interesting and just dangerous enough to captivate her. Everything about his manner toward her was, she was sure, a calculated effort to seduce her. His eyes lingered just a little too long on her. He would touch her often while they were speaking and always stand just a little bit too close to her. She was sure this was not just a cultural difference since he did not do this with any of the other companions-male or female. He would emerge from his tent every morning shirtless to take his share of breakfast and make sure that she was watching as he would stretch languorously- every muscle in his chest taut and hard. There was always a particular twinkle in his eyes as he talked to her, but she knew not what it meant; only that it intrigued her. The flirting was shameless and sometimes nearly lewd, but this was not something that was reserved only for her.

Beside this inner turmoil, there was the darkspawn. Zevran attacked their crew shortly after they had left the Circle tower. There she had seen horrors which she had never imagined possible- even worse than what the blight had shown her so far. Alistair had provided little comfort in this area- his worldview did not leave much room for sympathy for the mages. However, it seemed as if Wynne was working her way into his heart pretty easily. Surely Akalla had more important things to be worried about than sex, no matter how much her body may be crying out for it. But, as they were traveling and searching for the Dalish, she had plenty of time for her mind to wander.

At first she had tried to avoid Zevran's attention, casting her eyes away whenever she knew he was showing off particularly with her in mind. She knew her attraction to him was madness. She knew he was dangerous. She knew there was more than a little chance that he was simply playing with her, exercising the only bit of power that he could still hold over her. On some level she realized that seduction was part of his way of life. She was still his mark, but she hoped that what he wanted now was more carnal than what he had wanted before. It began to drive her crazy. It had been a long time since she had slept with anyone. She achieved release nearly every night by herself, but Zevran had found his way into her fantasies and she could not shake the idea of him. She began to wonder if he was half as good as he made himself out to be. She wondered what the tattoos on the rest of his body accentuated.

It was these thoughts that drove her to begin seeking him out at camp at night. She did it at first under the guise of getting to know him better. It would be lying to say that she was not interested in what he had to say, but most of all she wanted to be close to him. Most of all she wanted his attention. She wanted his eyes upon her. She relished his undisguised desire for her and allowed herself to believe that it wasn't just a game to him. He was slowly driving her insane with desire. It was getting to the point where she could barely sleep.

"If…" She started, breaking the silence, "I mean…"

"Yes?"

"Are you serious about this?"

"About what? Defeating the arch demon? I don't seem to have much choice in that matter, my dear."

"No.. I…"

"Oh, you mean about wanting to bed you?" He laughed, "At this point it would be rather cruel of me if I were not, don't you think? After all, I have been spending ample time building the desire in you. If you think that anything that I have done in your presence which made you desire me was accidental… I am rather good at this, you know." He cocked an eyebrow. "Granted, I do not usually draw a seduction out this long, mostly since I usually need to follow it up with an assassination. But this time… this time I figured it would be nice to tease you simply because you are ever so lovely when you squirm." It would be an understatement to describe my reaction as flustered. I felt my entire body flush with heat, and my breath caught in my throat as I struggled to look anywhere but at him. "Like right now… delicious. Yes, I am not quite that evil. I would rather enjoy bedding you and will do so whenever you want me to. Although I am enjoying teasing you, I simply do not know how much longer I could stand doing this myself."

After a pause that probably seemed a lot longer to her than it actually was, she gathered herself and raised her head to look into his eyes again. She gulped, and shook her head, laughing at herself. No matter how much she had built him up in her mind, he was still just a man- even if he was a handsome one.

"What is it, my dear?"

"You were right about something else- You are really good at this. I hope you're prepared to live up to the fantasy you have created in my mind." He grinned in response,

"Oh, I believe I am. I am more than prepared to give you whatever you may want or need. I do come highly recommended." As he said this, he leaned in closer to her again and pressed his lips to hers, sealing the deal.


	2. Eavesdropping

Getting into Zevran's head is harder than I thought it would be! Sorry for the lack of action so far. It will pick up soon.

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Although Zevran knew he projected calm and an air of flippancy toward what the other people in the camp were discussing, he was listening intently while pretending to sharpen his dagger. He was surprised that the warden had allowed him to carry his weapons, but she had only done so after they had been attacked by darkspawn and she had conceded that he may need to be able to defend himself in the future. His expression portrayed nothing of the thoughts swimming through his mind. His life had changed drastically and suddenly a few shorts weeks ago and nothing was certain anymore.

Of course, when he had first sworn the oath to the warden he had not meant it. It was the first thing that came to his mind to do when he had woken up- frankly shocked to still be alive. Self-preservation had kicked in and his quick-thinking (and perhaps a little bit of luck) was able to keep him alive a little bit longer. In the instant that she had accepted his oath, his life had changed dramatically.

Her decision to spare him was completely unexpected. He was baffled by it; how could she find any use for him in her already well-rounded group of adventurers? Why would she allow someone to travel with her who had made a nearly successful effort to kill her? He had come here to die. He had known that the chances he would succeed on this mission were slim. In fact, he had been counting on dying. It was all he wanted. Why had she not allowed him that? Surely he deserved it, not just for the attempt on her life but for… He shook this thought off before it could form in his head. The hurt and regret that came with it were nearly too much to bear.

He was no longer a Crow; he was no longer a part of what he had always thought he would be forever. He had long ago resigned himself to the fact that he would live and die an assassin. There was no choice in it. There had been a time when a younger version of him had longed for a different life- anything of his own choosing, but those dreams had been crushed during the years of his training. He had learned to accept his fate.

But now he was free from the Crows, at least for the time being. The very thought was almost unimaginable. He knew this freedom may not last for very long. What he had told Akalla was true; the Crows would most likely send someone to kill him for failing already. It was a most convenient situation to now be under the protection of two Grey Wardens. Well, he was happy about the prospect of being under one of them... not the other. He smirked inwardly at the thought, but did not betray the emotion on his face.

As his thoughts turned to Akalla, a mix of emotions swelled inside of him. At first he had thought her incredibly naïve and was even tempted to kill her anyway, just to prove to her that her decision had been mad. He knew, however, that traveling on his own would make his inevitable encounter with his past even more difficult. No, killing her would have been a huge mistake. It was better to play innocent, the penitent sinner seeking atonement. He decided to take time to understand her better, to see if there was any good reason that he still lived.

She was beautiful, of course. She had a dry sense of humor and a biting wit. Much seemed to go on in her mind that she did not see fit to share with her companions. She seemed to be utterly fearless, coming to him after they made camp at night, even before the rest of the group had begun to be comfortable around him at all. The first time she had approached him, he had not known what to expect. Part of him thought she would take back her decision and kill him herself.

When she asked him about Antiva, he was happy to have such a rapt audience. He loved to tell of his "adventures", as she referred to them, he loved to brag. And, of course, he loved to speak of home. It was at this point, captivated by her beauty and attention that he decided to begin the dance of seduction. Somehow, as they drew closer and close to the inevitable, he found himself farther and farther away from the thought of killing her.

They had finally made love the previous night. It had been quite enjoyable, and he had given her the speech which he had given to many others; telling her that he expected nothing of her. He did, however, find himself wishing that he could stay the full night in her tent. She had opened up to him, something which he knew she had yet to do with anyone else. When she spoke of her wedding day, he had felt compassion and wished that he could hold her. These feelings disturbed him. Lust he could deal with, but further attachment was… messy. More than messy, it would be dangerous. No, it couldn't be that. He only sympathized with her as an elf. He had been exposed to similar prejudices. Soon after the act, he had left, stealing away to his own tent. It was much simpler that way.

"Are you crazy? Has the taint taken hold of you earlier than it should have?" Alistair's voice had gradually been getting louder throughout their conversation. He and the elf were on the other side of the camp from Zevran and had been keeping their voices down until now. He was an experienced eavesdropper, though, and was having no trouble making out what they were saying.

"Are we having this conversation again?" Akalla's voice was dry. "Is there any new angle to it this time?"

"I know you have been spending time with him. I just want to make sure that you're not… being taken in by him." Zevran would have laughed at this, had he not been concerned with pretending he wasn't listening. The templar clearly had no idea.

"You think that he is trying to slay me with words? I have only been talking to him. I wouldn't think I would have to explain to you that it is pleasant to be around someone else of my kind."

"You feel kinship with _him_?" He nearly spat the word out. "He is a rat, a murderer. He will tell you whatever you want to hear while he slits your throat. And only for coin!"

"He had little choice in the matter, you know." Her voice was calm.

"Is that so? Is that one of the stories he's been telling you? His life is so tragic that he was tricked into attempting to murder you somehow? Perhaps he was doing it to save the life of his dying mother?"

"The Crows are taken in as children. It's all he knows."

"That's supposed to make me feel better, is it? He may slit your bloody throat, but its okay because his heart isn't in it."

"I'm only saying that what he says makes sense. He had no personal investment in this assignment. He was performing a service and he failed. It just so happens that the people who sent him here will be extremely upset with him knowing he failed. Either he dies by their hand or by ours."

"Yes, but he didn't die at either die he? It's been weeks and I still don't understand why."

"Why should I kill a helpless person who was caught up in circumstances he couldn't control? Is it not helpful to keep someone of his talents around? Not every problem can be solved by barging in and knocking something on the head."

"I think what you meant to say is how could you kill a fellow elf." There was a pause and Zevran wished he could see their faces to read whatever emotion she was showing.

"Perhaps that is part of it. But if you think that the only reason I let him live is that we are both elves, you are deluding yourself. I will say this only once. I do not require your babysitting. I can take care of myself just fine."

"I didn't mean to imply- I just think that…"

"You feel threatened by him." She said bluntly.

"Well, yes."

"And no I don't mean you feel that your _life_ is threatened."

"Kalla!" He finally allowed himself to look in their direction. She had left Alistair standing there alone, calling after her. Only then did Zevran let a slight smile flit across his face.


	3. Confusion

Attempt at Alistair POV. I'd appreciate any feedback on this. I'm on vacation and kind of unable to write for at least a week, if anyone is actually reading this. I maybe able to sneak an update in, but I can't promise anything for a bit.

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Alistair was becoming rather frustrated with the task of finding the Dalish. For days they had been wandering the outskirts of the Breclian forest, looking for any signs of the clan. They had encountered some traveling merchants who had told them that he believed there was a Dalish tribe to the south, but his directions were quite vague. Alistair was beginning to believe that if they were to find the elves at all it would be because they wished to be found. He wondered idly what would happen if they simply _couldn't _track them down as he allowed himself a glance at their leader, who was slightly ahead, scowling as she scanned the line of trees.

He had never known a woman this stubborn. Chances were they would wander Fereldan forever before she admitted defeat. Of course, this wasn't exactly a terrible trait for a fearless leader to have. He couldn't help but grin at this thought. She was entirely too beautiful to be caught up in all of this. He constantly had to fight back the urge to protect her- he knew she didn't appreciate it. But this urge didn't come from some sense of male superiority as she seemed to believe, but rather just simple concern for her well-being. Was that such a terrible thing?

"If I were you I would close my mouth lest any insects decide to fly into it." Morrigan spoke from beside him. Even the sound of her voice had the power to set him on edge. He hadn't even realized his mouth had been open, but he snapped it shut as he turned to glare at her. "What? Even my helpful advice is unwanted by you? I could have made a comment about your unabashed staring at Akalla. Or I could have mentioned how I haven't seen her look at you lately except to glare at you. I even could have observed that you look rather like a dog, who-"

"I'd honestly rather you'd take the advice of keeping your own mouth shut." He gritted his teeth and attempted to focus on not tripping on a root, anything to take his attention away from the witch.

"Oh but it is so much more fun to tease you. And, I'd add, so easy, too." Groaning in frustration, he slowed his pace down so that she would overtake him. So he wasn't the only one who was noticing the cold shoulder that Akalla had been giving him lately. No matter what he did he couldn't seem to connect with her in the way that he had been able to before… well, he didn't exactly know when it had started. All he knew was that he was losing her and he wanted to do anything to stop it.

After what seemed like hours more of walking, they were finally cornered by a scouting group of Dalish. With bows drawn, they ambushed them and demanded to know what the party's purpose in _their_ territory was. Alistair had to scoff at the idea of nomads owning any territory. Wasn't their entire purpose to not be tied down to one spot more than another?

The scouting party had surrounded them before Alistair knew what was happening. He stopped with a clang of armor and sized up the situation. Only Sten and Leliana seemed to have reacted- Leliana had somehow managed to pull her bow and level it at the lead Dalish and Sten had also drawn his weapon. Morrigan was standing with her arms crossed next to Wynne who wore a look of concern on her weathered face. Dog was growling menacingly at the feet of his master and Zevran… the bastard elf was nowhere to be seen.

"I am Akalla. I am a Grey Warden seeking aid against a blight." She announced. Alistair would have expected her to do nothing else. She was nothing if not forthright. There was a moment when Alistair believed that the elves would think her crazy and kill her where she stood. Certainly this was madness. Humans did not seek out the Dalish and demand anything of them- at least not if they expected to live through the encounter. But, of course, she was not a human.

After a few moments of tension, the Dalish leader nodded and agreed to take them back to their Keeper. Alistair was still not optimistic about their chances of receiving aid from them, however. As they began to follow the elves to their encampment, he fell into step beside Akalla, anxious to share his worry with her.

"Any idea where our assassin has run off to?" He asked tentatively, not much caring where Zevran was as long as he went far away.

"I am here." A voice from behind them spoke. "I was hoping to ambush if our negotiations didn't go so well. Thankfully our gorgeous leader is adept at bending elves and humans alike to her will." Alistair rolled his eyes at the cheap flattery, surely she wouldn't respond to that.

"Oh, I see. You conveniently hid until you were able to see which party emerged victorious and I am supposed to believe that you did this in order to help us?"

"Frankly, Alistair, I do not care what you believe." Zevran responded, keeping pace slightly behind the two wardens. His presence served to set Alistair on edge. He couldn't help feeling that he was constantly fighting with the elf for Akalla's attentions. They walked in silence for a while until he decided to attempt to engage her in conversation.

"What do you think our chances of success here are?" He kept his voice down so that their Dalish escort would not hear. "I mean, I don't think that they moved all the way out here because they were concerned with the well-being of Fereldan anyway." This was one of those instances where he immediately regretted the words that had just escaped his mouth. She halted and turned to him with such cold fury in her eyes that he felt himself shrinking away from her.

"Yes, truly these are a selfish people. Clearly they chose this way of life because they would rather frolic among the trees instead of doing the responsible thing and live as second class citizens under the true people of Fereldan. They should take all the rapes and violence in stride, because after all- they will one day be needed as cannon fodder." All he could do was blink in response. Where was this tirade coming from? What had he done to deserve this? Without a further word she began to walk again, leaving him standing there wondering what had just hit him.


	4. Pretend

I just completely lost what I had written- and I don't know if I can duplicate it. I'll try, but I was trying to update a docx file and got a little carried away, and then accidentally hit the back button and lost everything. Ugh. I don't think I can write it as well the second time honestly, but I did my best. I'm taking some liberties with Dalish culture, I hope you can forgive. This will be the first chapter that earns the M rating, so smut incoming!. I hope you enjoy- word choice drives me crazy in sex scenes. This may need some rewriting since I finished it really late at night. Once again, review away. Please. Haha

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She had finally agreed to stay the night in the Dalish camp. It had become apparent that her protests were beginning to upset the elves. Rather than upset the uneasy alliance she had begun to form with them, she gave in. This was a difficult compromise since it would disrupt her group's routine. They had just reached the point where their watches were figured out and they all at least said they felt relatively safe in their camp. As near as Akalla could tell, however, the Dalish did not wish them any ill will. At least Shale did not sleep and would always be keeping a watchful eye on them. She couldn't help but shudder at this thought.

The decision to help the Dalish had come quite easily. Not only did they need any assistance possible against the darkspawn, but Akalla had a tough time turning down her fellow elves. The story of the curse was tragic and one which seemed to have a solution which she could easily provide. Killing things had become a bit of her specialty as of late. It was decided that they would set off after the werewolves in the morning and in the interest of hunting and hopefully surprising the wolves, only four of them would venture into the forest. Akalla had informed Wynne, Alistair and Zevran that they would be going with her. Morrigan was particularly upset about remaining in the camp, citing the fact that she did not wish to be surrounded by those that were so distrustful of her. Akalla rather thought that the woman would be used to this since the only one in their own party who had so far endorsed her was Akalla herself. She wondered if this protest was possibly founded more in jealousy than anything- she and Wynne had been at each other's throats since they had met.

Akalla had chosen a place to sleep that was as far away from the rest of them as she could get without insulting anyone. Although the Dalish apparently chose to sleep out under the stars, she preferred the enclosure of a tent. She valued her privacy, but most of all wished to avoid the ever staring eyes of Shale. It was a comfort to know that he was a sentry for them, but she could not help feeling that the idea of him watching her sleep was quite creepy. From where she had laid out her bedroll, she could see the golem across many other bodies.

Sighing, she finished packing up her bag and stowed her daggers under her blankets where she should be able to reach them if she were surprised. She stretched out, pulling the blanket to her chin; she suddenly felt weary. She dreaded the time when she was alone with her own thoughts.

Sleep was not the refuge it once was for her. It should have been the only time of day that she was able to relax and recharge herself for the next. Ever since she had become a grey warden, she could no longer invite sleep. Instead, she would lie awake paralyzed by fear and trepidation of what might come to her in the night. She remembered a time when as a girl she would fantasize about adventures that she may have were her life different. These adventures were romantic- there were no darkspawn, no horrible abominations, no templars urging her to wipe out an entire order of mages simply because of what he feared they were capable of doing, and most of all- no archdemon. No, in those dreams she was a swashbuckler who always saved the day- one who knew what to do in any situation with certainty. There were no shades of grey in that world- everyone she encountered was either good or evil. Oh how that girl had learned.

She felt incredibly vulnerable in this time of night. All of the insecurities that built throughout the day while she put on her brave face seemed to hit her all at once. There were times when she would cry herself to sleep. Most often, though, she would lie awake brooding on her choices. The ones which she knew appeared to come so quickly to her were often agonizing instead. She carried on this charade of being the fearless leader because she knew that it was what was needed. Fate had placed her in this position and she was only its pawn. She had been able to tell from the beginning that Alistair needed her to be strong- he had nearly fallen apart after Duncan's death and Loghain's betrayal. Leliana believed that she was on a quest sent by the Maker himself- her actions needed to be worthy of the prophecy. Sten would not follow one who was not worthy of his respect. She must be that person. Wynne seemed to have lofty ideas of what a grey warden was- she must be larger than life. Shale followed because he was interested in anything different, this was easy. Dog was ever loyal and would follow her no matter what. And Zevran- he had not yet appeared to need anything from her, yet anyway. He had given-

She did not allow this thought to distract her, although a smile did come to her face. She knew there would be a long day ahead of them tomorrow; they would seek out the wolves and kill their leader. There would be no other outcome. She began to slow her breathing consciously, attempting to clear her mind. Finally, she felt herself begin to relax and allowed her eyes to close.

"My Grey Warden" Zevran's voice came from behind and above her, startling her. She quickly turned her head to see him and was amazed that his boots were so close to her that he could have stepped on her. How could he manage to sneak up on her like that? "I am sorry, but I thought that if I touched you without making my presence known first that I wouldn't survive the encounter." As he said this he sat down next to her and crossed his legs, beginning to remove his boots.

"What do you want, Zevran?" She asked, letting her annoyance show in her tone. Last night had been very enjoyable, but they had both decided that it had not meant anything. This thought made her heart sink slightly and she could not exactly say why. Was she being dishonest with herself? It was better not to consider this. She would keep things as simple as possible.

He did not answer, but finished taking off his boots, stowing them beside her pack. He then began to strip off his armor, as if it were the most natural thing for him to be doing. His nonchalance was beginning to anger her, but as he pulled his tunic over his head she was readily distracted by his body. Unlike the men whom she was accustomed to, he was lean and angular- every muscle clearly defined. Accentuating the lines of his body, his tattoos reflected the firelight. The beautiful lines of them flowed along his torso and down into his small clothes, leading one's eyes to think about what lay below. Her thoughts drifted to how safe and secure she had felt held up against his hard body and all of her protests were lost.

"I am joining you, to sleep with you, my Dear." His tone was low and seductive, the exact tone that she was finding quickly that she could not resist. He moved closer and climbed inside of the bedroll with her, lining his body up against hers. Lying on his side behind her, he pulled her back gently and pressed into her so that she could feel his hardness pressing into her behind. She turned her face away from him, knowing she could not even pretend that she wanted to fight his advances. Instead, she savored the feeling of his embrace as he enfolded her in his arms. His breath was hot at her ear as he nibbled on her lobe. She heard a low moan and realized a little bit too late that it had come from her. She closed her mouth quickly, embarrassed. He whispered in her ear, "Now… I could say that I am only here because I crave you. I suspect you already know that this is the case, yes? But, I have found that among the Dalish one does not become a hunter until they are a proven adult. Part of becoming an adult means choosing a mate. This is a matter of trust and respect. They have seen us together and assumed that we are bonded" She laughed,

"You didn't correct them because…?"

"Because they will trust us more readily if we seem to conform to their idea of what an elf should be. And, we _have_ mated- I'm sure you haven't forgotten about that." He chuckled.

"And what happens when the others wake up tomorrow and see us like this? Or right now?"

"Oh ho… you were not planning on telling Alistair what has transpired between us?" He kissed her neck and slid his hand up along her arm and then back down, pulling her shirt out of place to expose more of her shoulder to the night air. His mouth was there quickly, running his tongue along the exposed skin. Half-heartedly, she attempted to shrug him off.

"I thought there would be a more polite way to tell him. I-"

"You can tell him whatever you want." His voice was suddenly dismissive, "But I am staying here." He began to kiss her neck again, and although she enjoyed the attention she was all too aware of their surroundings.

"We are not in the privacy of my tent. We practically have an audience. I-"

"Isn't it exciting? If it makes you feel better, our companions, save for Shale are asleep. The Dalish would expect this between a bonded pair. Besides, it will be a fun game to play- how quiet can you be, my dear?"

"Zev-" As she opened her mouth to protest she felt his hand on her chin as he authoritatively, but not roughly, turned her face towards him, silencing her protests with his mouth. The kiss was passionate and forceful, taking her breath away. Although she was taken by surprise, she was soon kissing him back, meeting his tongue with hers, reveling in the taste of him. In that moment all reservations were forgotten. She was presently all too aware of and annoyed by the clothing that was between them.

As if he was reading her mind, he moved his hand from her face to pull her night shirt above her head. It was a bit difficult to remove it while entwined with him and inside of the cramped bedroll, but after a bit of struggle it was off and she was able to settle her bare back against the hard, but inviting skin of his chest. The only clothing left to separate them at this point was her bottom undergarments.

His hands slid first down and then up her sides, cupping her breasts and pulling roughly on her nipples. She bit her lip to smother the moan that was attempting to escape them, as he began to kiss and nibble at her throat again. She pressed back into him, reaching behind her to find his erection, eager to elicit the same reactions from him as he was from her. Desire was building to a point where she felt like she was going mad. Grasping him, she freed him from his trousers and began to stroke his length. In response, he growled and nibbled just a tiny bit harder on her flesh. He thrust forcefully against her, driving his hardness into her backside,

"Please…" she was saying before she knew it. Even if she did not voice it, he knew what it was she was begging him for. In what seemed like the same motion, he parted her legs with one of his, pushed her undergarment out of the way, and thrust into her the entire way. A moan that was much louder than Akalla wished it to be escaped her lips as he impaled her. She tried to quiet herself, but could not. Zevran moved one of his hands to her mouth as he continued his thrusts into her. The grip was authoritative and strong, muting her moans enough so that she would not have to worry about anyone overhearing them anymore.

His other hand made its way between her legs, stroking her firmly just above where their bodies were meeting. Maddening pleasure radiated throughout her body; he was filing her completely. Romantic thoughts such as these only came to her when she was close to orgasm- everything was correct. Everything was white hot, perfect, pleasure. She loved him, she needed him. He was all she ever wanted. All of these things were true in the moment. The pleasure built and built upwards until finally she stiffened and felt her climax wash over her like a wave- ecstasy from head to toe. He was not close to being finished, however. He continued his efforts until he brought her to a second and third peak.

Gradually, his thrusts became more and more forceful and rapid. She concentrated on anything she could do to heighten his pleasure even though it was difficult in their position. His grip on her mouth loosened as she knew he was reaching his own orgasm. She pulled one of his fingers into her mouth and sucked on it with the same enthusiasm as she had his erection the night before. Finally, his body stiffened and he spilled his hot seed inside of her. She reached her arm up to touch his face with her hand, stroking his cheek gently as he rested his head upon her shoulder.

For a moment she wondered if he would leave her to sleep alone. She felt disappointment as he pulled out of her- she suddenly felt empty. As he wrapped his arm around her and pulled him to her again, she shuddered- seized by a feeling that was completely foreign to her. Was it a jolt of excitement that he would stay the night with her? Was she simply comforted in the warmth of his body? A bonded pair; could this ever be more than pretend for either of them? Was this what love felt like? All that mattered in that moment was that she was content in his arms, lulled into relaxation by the steady rhythm of his breathing and the rise and fall of his chest.. She was entirely too tired to contemplate anything more. She closed her eyes and let sleep come- for once not frightened by the prospect of nightmares.


	5. Reflection

Back from vacation. Hopefully updates will be more regular now. As usual, please review. It helps to keep me motivated.

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Zevran was slowly awoken by the first rays of sunlight falling onto his face. The first thing he became aware of was the scent of the grey warden's hair- roses with the faint scent of sex. As much as he would have liked on linger on this peaceful reflection, he was soon aware that his arm which was underneath her was terribly cramped. His intention had not been to spend the entire night with her. He had wanted to slip away soon after she had fallen asleep. Somehow he had found it impossible to do that once she had settled against him. The warmth of her, the soft sound of her breaths as she stirred lightly against him- all of it had been so comforting and inviting that he had found himself unable to convince himself to leave.

This was an inexcusable mistake. Had they been attacked in the middle of the night it would have taken him at least four extra seconds to ready himself for attack. If she had snored (which he was inwardly happy that she had turned out not to do) it might have made it that much harder for him to hear anyone approaching as he slept.

Why he had done it, he couldn't exactly say. The sex had been great, but it had not been enough to wear him out. There was no reason for it other than the fact that he could barely manage to let her go. Before approaching her he had watched her attempts to fall asleep. She had looked so thoroughly unhappy that his only wish had been to protect her. When the Dalish had given him the idea of pretending to be a couple he had taken to the act with gusto since it would mean the opportunity to have sex with her again- with an audience. As experienced as she was, he had bet on the fact that this would be something out of her comfort zone. The idea of an exciting sexual encounter was on his mind as he approached her, but as soon as he saw the look of sadness upon her face, he had stopped in his tracks.

He longed to ask her what was bothering her, but he forced himself to put it aside. The way that he felt when he thought of her had already begun to concern him. At the back of his mind he was already concerned that whatever was between them had gone too far. There was no reason to sell anything to her. He was no longer trying to kill her and therefore had absolutely no idea how to treat her. The last time he had allowed emotional closeness to grow between himself and someone else it had ended in disaster.

_Rinna_. The name came to his mind as he regarded the sleeping elf in his arms. The sorrow and regret that filled him as he thought of her nearly choked him. As long as he lived, he would never forget her face- the tears streaming down it, her eyes wide with fear, as she begged him for her life. He had once pledged to protect her; he had promised her the world despite having nothing to give. In the end he had given her nothing. He had believed Taliesin that she had betrayed them and he had allowed his friend to cut her throat as she begged. He had spit in her face, the ultimate show of disrespect; and felt nothing as she bled out before him. All this he had done to a woman whom he had once said he loved. This is what love would get an assassin- more death, the only thing he was good at.

Closing his eyes, he attempted to rid himself of her image. When he opened them again after a few moments all that he saw before them was Akalla's serene face, her mouth hanging open slightly. He needed to extricate himself as quickly as possible. He had already stayed too long.

Slowly, he began to work his arm out from underneath her. She was obviously a pretty heavy sleeper- something that he would need to address with her. Camps were not always completely safe. If she were going to survive long enough to face the arch demon, she had better learn this quickly.

Once he was free, he was consumed with the urge to touch her again, almost as if to assure himself that she was real. He satisfied himself with tucking the blankets up to her chin. Modesty was not one of his concerns, but he knew it was of hers. Before he let go of the blanket, his hand found itself on her cheek, moving hair out of her face, lightly touching her. It took a lot of his resolve to turn from her to find his armor. This was madness- he had no other word for it.

As he looked up from her to scan the rest of the camp, his eyes rested on Alistair- who was staring straight at him.


	6. Confrontation

This chapter was a labor. I may have to rewrite because I'm not completely happy with it. Once again, I'm open to constructive criticism. I have a lot of hits, but not many reviews, so let me know what you think! Trying to make this the best I can. I can take it.

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Alistair was steaming and he could not make up his mind what to do about it. He felt the overwhelming urge to storm over to Zevran and beat the pretty elf senseless. There was no mistaking what had happened. Having woken up quite early, something had given him the crazy idea that he might be able to reconnect with her. He felt terrible about how their last conversation had ended and he wanted to make it up to her somehow. He felt confident that if he could just get her to talk to him they could smooth things over. He had felt this way until he had begun to make his way across the camp and saw her sleeping in the arms of that _bastard _Zevran.

They had never set boundaries. They had never agreed that they were exclusive- but certainly she had understood that neither of them was to bed other people. But she had- and it had been quite possibly the person who could hurt him the most- the assassin whom she shouldn't even have allowed to live in the first place.

As he stood fuming and grinding his teeth, Alistair became aware of how ridiculous he must look. He watched as Zevran got up from the bedroll and winced as the elf tenderly brushed her face. Somehow watching this gesture was worse than knowing they had sex. The assassin had feelings for _his _woman? It took all of his composure not to charge at the smaller man, disregarding the entire camp between them. He wanted to knock that look of serenity off the damned elf's face- make him suffer for what he had done.

For what _he_ had done? Alistair almost could not believe himself. She wasn't exactly an innocent in this. She- she had betrayed him. How could she do this to him? He had thought they had something. He felt like a fool- an utter fool. Here he had been considering sharing his virginity with her, something that did not come lightly to him. He had been stupidly working up the courage to tell her that he loved her. Maker's breath, he had even begun to daydream about a future they might have together.

But Zevran had somehow wormed his way between them even though hey had become very close since the beginning of their adventures together. She had comforted him after the death of Duncan and accompanied him to confront his sister, and then taught him a valuable lesson after this encounter had ended badly. She had become extremely special to him and he had felt sure that she had felt the same. Evidently she had not. Apparently his affections had only been important to her as a distraction. Had she used him? Had she only been interested in him for sex and as soon as he had asked her to wait she moved onto the next candidate? Alistair felt disgusted by the entire situation.

The anger was an easy distraction from the crushing feeling in his chest. He did love her. Up until now he had no reason to believe she didn't feel the same. Now the entire fantasy which he had apparently constructed entirely by himself had come crashing down around him. When Zevran looked up and met his eye Alistair returned the look with a cold glare. It was hard to tell from the distance, but he thought he saw the assassin flinch as he turned away from Akalla and slipped away from the camp.

Alistair let him go, feeling as if he was frozen in place with anger. For perhaps the first time in his life, he acknowledged the fact that acting now would lead to nothing good. But oh how wonderful it would be to break Zevran's nose. No, for now it was best to let the damned assassin go- no matter how much he would rather not.

He clenched his hand into a fist and relaxed it, trying to make himself calm down. When he felt that he was calm enough- which in the scheme of things was not very calm at all, he took off across the camp toward where Akalla was sleeping. He had no plan- didn't even know what he wanted to say first. Despite the fact that this tactic had never gone very well for him in the past, he needed to get this off his chest as soon as possible.

Before he knew it, he was standing over her peacefully sleeping form. He felt a queer sense of resentment at the fact that she was able to look so serene when he was practically boiling inside. He let loose an exaggerated sigh, hoping that it would wake her up. When it didn't, he cleared his throat loudly.

Finally she stirred. Blinking, she turned over and moved her hair out of her eyes. Obviously confused, she looked behind her before looking up at him.

"Alistair?" The innocent way that she said his name only served to make him angrier.

"Yes. We need to talk. Now." Comprehension seemed to dawn in her eyes and she looked panicked down at her body, covered by her bedroll still. "Of course you're naked." He muttered, turning around.

"I… I'll just get dressed first." From behind him, he could hear her scrambling to collect her clothing. His emotions were now a mixture of anger and embarrassment. Under any other circumstances, the thought of her naked would have quite a different effect on him. But only minutes ago she was in the arms of another man.

"Okay." She said timidly. Alistair had never heard this tone from her before. She knew what was coming. "Should we… go somewhere more private?"

"Why should we? _You _didn't bother with that last night." She opened her mouth and then closed it again. Alistair felt vindicated in the fact that, for once _he_ had _her _at a loss for words. The moment was fleeting, however, and she said,

"We're guests." She gestured around the camp, unable to meet his eyes. "Let's walk."

He found it hard to keep his mouth shut as he followed her over an embankment and out of the camp. She was so far calm and he didn't like it. He wanted her to hurt a fraction of as much as he was. After they were a sizeable distance away from everyone else, she turned to him,

"Alistair, I don't know how to say this."

"Good. Then don't say anything. Let me talk. I saw you with Zevran. I know. What were you doing with _me_ all of this time? Was it all about sex? I can't help but notice that we never had a problem until I told you I wouldn't sleep with you yet. And then that man-whore comes along and the next thing I know you're bedding him right under my nose. Were you planning on telling me? Or were you planning on keeping me blissfully unaware while you ran around behind my back? Perhaps you thought you were starting your own little harem in our party? Were you going to jump into bed with Sten next?"

"It's not like that. I… I'm sorry." At least she had the sense to look like she meant it. "I meant to tell you. It just… happened."

"Oh that is rich. I suppose it happened by accident, did it? Look. I don't want your excuses for why you did it."

"Just let me explain. I don't know how these things work."

"We both know that although that might be true, it can't account for what you did. I do want to ask you one thing, though. Are you bloody crazy? I mean, really? You're making me seriously doubt following you here. First you invite an assassin into our merry group and then you _fuck_ him? And we're not even talking after he's proven himself to us. Is there no limit to your… depravity? You barely know him better than you know me! That's not even mentioning the fact that you let me fawn over you. You let me believe that we had something. I was ready to confess my love for you- and you didn't even think it necessary to say to me- 'hey there's someone else' or 'Hey Alistair, I think we should end this'. No courtesy whatsoever." There was a long silence between them where she stared at the ground, biting her lip.

Alistair realized that her lip was quivering and momentarily felt bad for his tirade. She had shown such little emotion in the months that he had known her that he had begun to think that she had none. But, he was justified in this. He couldn't back down.

"I… I won't make excuses, but I'll say that I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

"Yes, well, that didn't exactly work out, did it? I thought I loved you, but now I think I don't even know you." If his heart didn't feel as if it was in a vice he probably would have felt vindicated by the hurt he saw in her eyes. He clenched his fists and relaxed them, waiting for her to say something. When she did not, he took a deep breath. "I wish you had never joined the grey wardens." It was the most hurtful thing he could think of to say.

"Yes, well… I did." Her voice betrayed that she was choking back tears. "And there are more important things to consider here than our relationship." This word was laced with bitterness.

"I wouldn't guess that from how the way you have been acting, _my dear_."

"Are you still with us?" This was an entirely unfair question and he resented her asking it. He wanted to say no. He wanted to tell her that he would turn the rest of the party against her and march on without her, but he knew this was untrue. As much as he hated it, he couldn't do this without her. The day hadn't even started and it was already one of the worst of his life.


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